Bizarre Tech Support Conversation

Posted on by RayS
Yes, it really does pay to ask the right questions.

ME: Tech support, This is xxxxxxx speaking, how can I help you?
Idiot User: (This is an Asian caller with a thick accent, and keeps mangling words.) Um..yes?
ME: How can I help you sir?
I.U.: Um..I don't know.
ME: Well...I really need something to go on here. What kind of problems are you having?
I.U.: Um..I don't know what I did.
ME: Okay..and....?
I.U.: Well..I don't know.
ME: Again, I really need more to go on than that.
I.U.: Well..I um..I put a sheep on the keyboard, and now it don't work.
ME: What?
I.U.: I said I put the sheep on the keyboard, and it don't work now.
ME: Okay..what exactly do you mean by "sheep"?
I.U.: A SHEEP. I put it on the keyboard and now it don't work!
ME: Well there's no need to shout. Can I put you on hold for a moment?
I.U.: Yes.

**So I put him on hold, and by now I'm just trying to figure out what a "sheep" is, and trying not to laugh. I asked one of the senior members on the team if he has any clue what is going on.
This person, having no sense of humor whatsoever, and not seeing where this call is obviously going to end up, says "Maybe it's that sheep screen saver. I've heard it can lock up computers"
'Thanks, I'll ask him"***

ME: okaaay....thanks for holding. Are you telling me this is a screen saver?
I.U.: NO! It is a SHEEP on my keyboard!
ME: Are you saying "sheep"? (I then spell it out, using "p" for Paul at the end)
I.U.: Yes! You don't understand ENGLISH?
ME:(Getting harder to avoid laughing) Alrighty then. So you say the keyboard is not working, correct?
I.U.: Yes.
ME: Can you use your mouse?
I.U.: Yes.
ME: Okay. Let's try a few things. First, click on Start, then click shutdown ,and follow the normal method you use to turn of the computer.
I.U.: I can't do that.
ME: Why?
I.U.: Because I normally use my keyboard and I can't do that now because it doesn't work because of the sheep.
ME: (Everyone else is off their calls and listening in. The snickering in the background was not helping me at all)Okay. well let's pretend you don't have a keyboard ,and use the mouse to shut your system off.
I.U.: Why?
ME: Why what?
I.U.: Why do I have to use the mouse?
ME: Because you said you have a sheep on your keyboard, and it doesn't work.
IU: Are you making fun of me?
ME: What? No. I'm just repeating what you've told me.
IU: Okay. The computer is off.
ME: Good. can you see the back of your computer?
IU: No. It is facing the other way.

***Again, he goes on hold, because I can't NOT laugh any more. Tears were welling up in my eyes because I was fighting so hard not to laugh. About a minute later, I've regained most of my composure and go back on the phone.***

ME: Thanks for waiting. I had to check a couple things before going on. Okay, so the computer is off. Can you turn the system around so you can see the back?
I.U.: Yes. just a second. (Pause) I can only turn it a little bit.
ME:(Yes, I know I was asking for it, but it had to be asked) Why?
I.U.: Because the keyboard is in the way.
ME: Well move the keyboard then.
I.U.: Where to?
ME: Can you just move it down to the seat of your chair, or to the side?
I.U.: No.
ME: Why? Is the cord to short?
I.U.: NO! The sheep will fall off if I do that.
ME: (I am now thoroughly confused) Well then..can you see if the keyboard is plugged in tightly?
I.U.: Yes. It is tight.
ME: You're sure the fit is snug?
I.U.: Yes.
ME: Good turn the computer back to it's original position and then turn it back on.
I.U.: But what about the sheep? It is still on my keyboard.
ME: Is it pressing down on any keys?
I.U.: I can't tell.
ME: And why can't you tell? (Even as I asked this question, I knew it was going to lead to the exact answer I got)
I.U.: Because the sheep is covering them.
ME: Oh. Well try to move the sheep so you can see the keys.
I.U.: Okay. I can see my keys now. It is asking me to enter my user name now.
ME: The sheep is asking you? (It SEEMED like a valid question, given the situation.)
I.U.: No! Windows 2000 is asking me. The sheep doesn't talk.
ME: Okay then. Enter your user name.
I.U.: But what if the keyboard still don't work?
ME: We'll worry about that if it happens. Please just try to enter your user name.
I.U.: Okay. It is working, but don't hang up yet. I want to make sure I can load my lotus notes and get into my mail.
(Pause) Okay. I'm in. Do you know what happened?
ME: Sorry. I haven't got a clue. But if I were you, I'd get rid of that sheep
I.U.: Okay. Thank you.
ME: No problem. That's why were here. bye.