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Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic. "What's logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor…

A missionary is sent into the deepest, darkest part of Africa to live with a tribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read and write, and preaching to them about the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly…

Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo... and I'm not biased. (daughter smiles) Father: Do you know what "biased" means? Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls. --F Train Source: http://overheardinnewyork.com/

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to…

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a fuckin’ checking account” To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?” “Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a…

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary,…

A couple in their seventies went to a sex therapist's office in Melbourne.. The doctor asked, 'What can I do for you?' The old man said, 'Will you watch us have sex?' The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor…

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to…

A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter. The cashier asked, “Sir, do you have a dog?” “Yes.” replied the man. “Well, where is it?” asked the cashier. “I left him home.” he answered.

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon?…