Jokes ⁽⁴⁴⁾

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to…

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a fuckin’ checking account” To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?” “Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a…

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary,…

A couple in their seventies went to a sex therapist's office in Melbourne.. The doctor asked, 'What can I do for you?' The old man said, 'Will you watch us have sex?' The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor…

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to…

A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter. The cashier asked, “Sir, do you have a dog?” “Yes.” replied the man. “Well, where is it?” asked the cashier. “I left him home.” he answered.

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be…

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have…

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary 8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40am Walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00pm Played in the yard!…

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know…