World's Worst Hacker

By "Elch"; originally posted on Slashdot

In case you don't speak German (just as this hacker), I've tried a little translation to English. I might have made some spelling errors, but the original spelling wasn't perfect either. The guy really said "buy buy" in the German version.

For information:

* The dangerous hacker is called bitchchecker and the one being hacked and original author of the comments, who is talking here, is known as Elch.
* is always the IP address of the computer you're currently using; any request there will return to your computer.
* Notice that in Germany we get Daylight Savings Time (DST) earlier than in the US.

The story starts (I'm shortcutting here) with a kid insulting everyone on the #stopHipHop IRC channel.
Most people there believed it was rather funny, but it got even more funny...

* bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) has joined
:bitchchecker: why do you kick me
:bitchchecker: can't you discus normally
:bitchchecker: answer!
:Elch: we didn't kick you
:Elch: you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) Quit (Ping timeout#)
:bitchchecker: what ping man
:bitchchecker: the timing of my pc is right
:bitchchecker: i even have dst
:bitchchecker: you banned me
:bitchchecker: amit it you son of a bitch
:HopperHunter|afk: LOL
:HopperHunter|afk: shit you're stupid, DST^^
:bitchchecker: shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
:bitchchecker: for two weaks already
:bitchchecker: when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
:Elch: You're a real computer expert
:bitchchecker: shut up i hack you
:Elch: ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
:bitchchecker: tell me your network number man then you're dead
:Elch: Eh, it's
:Elch: or maybe
:Elch: yes exactly that's it: I'm waiting for you great attack
:bitchchecker: in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
:Elch: Now I'm frightened
:bitchchecker: shut up you'll be gone
:bitchchecker: i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
:bitchchecker: say goodbye
:Elch: to whom?
:bitchchecker: to you man
:bitchchecker: buy buy
:Elch: I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP address in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC.
This way, the attack on my PC was a failure.
I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day.
Two minutes later he returned.

* bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) has joined #stopHipHop
:bitchchecker: dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
:Metanot: lol
:Elch: bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again... I still have the same IP:
:bitchchecker: you're so stupid man
:bitchchecker: say buy buy
:Metanot: ah, [Please control your cussing] off
:bitchchecker: buy buy elch
* bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room... Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC?
I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve...
Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack.
Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

* bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) has joined #stopHipHop
:bitchchecker: elch you son of a bitch
:Metanot: bitchchecker how old are you?
:Elch: What's up bitchchecker?
:bitchchecker: you have a frie wal
:bitchchecker: fire wall
:Elch: maybe, i don't know
:bitchchecker: i'm 26
:Metanot: such behaviour with 26?
:Elch: how did you find out that I have a firewall?
:Metanot: tststs this is not very nice missy
:bitchchecker: because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
:bitchchecker: be a man turn that shit off
:Elch: cool, didn't know this was possible.
:bitchchecker: thn my virus destroys your pc man
:Metanot: are you hacking yourselves?
:Elch: yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
:Metanot: he bitchchecker if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
:bitchchecker: yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
:Metanot: what firewall do you have?
:bitchchecker: like a girl
:Metanot: firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past girl^^
:He: Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you're letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
:bitchchecker: turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
:Elch: Noo
:Metanot: he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
:bitchchecker: you're afraid
:bitchchecker: i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
:bitchchecker: elch turn off your shit wall!
:Metanot: i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
:bitchchecker: shut up
:Metanot: lol
:bitchchecker: my grandma surfs with fire wall
:bitchchecker: and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall.
I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn't let that rest.
To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don't have a firewall at all, only my router.

:Elch: bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
:Metanot: bitchhacker can't hack
:Black: nice play on words ^^
:bitchchecker: wort man
:Elch: bitchchecker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
:Metanot: how many times again he is no hacker
:bitchchecker: man do you want a virus
:bitchchecker: tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
:Metanot: lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you're no hacker..^^
:Elch: it's easy
:bitchchecker: lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
:bitchchecker: and are the first files being deleted
:Elch: mom...
:Elch: i'll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

:bitchchecker: don't need to rescue you can't son of a bitch
:Elch: that's bad
:bitchchecker: elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
:Elch: yes, there's nothing i can do about it
:bitchchecker: and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn't matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared.
bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.

:bitchchecker: tupac rules
:bitchchecker: elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god... All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look.
Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted....
Or isn't it happening on my computer?

:bitchchecker: and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
:He: why doesn't meta say anything
:Elch: he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
:Black: ^^
:bitchchecker: your d: is gone
:He: go on BITCH

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner!
But how did he do this? I'll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

:bitchchecker: elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
:bitchchecker: i'm already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he's not attacking my computer?

* bitchchecker ( sends e-mail)) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late... It's 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias "bitchchecker". We see that he has a "Ping timeout".

We haven't seen him since then... must be the Daylight Saving Time.